Weddings bring together people from different backgrounds, generations, and social circles. Navigating wedding etiquette helps everyone feel comfortable and allows the focus to remain where it belongs: on celebrating the couple's love. Whether you're a first-time wedding guest or a couple trying to communicate expectations clearly, understanding wedding etiquette makes the experience smoother for everyone involved.
This comprehensive guide covers etiquette essentials from both perspectives, helping guests know what's expected and couples understand how to set clear expectations.
RSVP Etiquette
For Guests
The RSVP may seem like a small formality, but it has significant implications for the couple's planning and budget. Proper RSVP etiquette includes:
- Respond by the deadline. Caterers, venues, and other vendors need final numbers. Late responses create stress and may cost the couple money.
- Be honest about attendance. If you're uncertain, it's better to decline than accept and cancel later.
- Only include invited guests. If your invitation says "Jane Smith" rather than "Jane Smith and guest," you're invited alone. If unsure, ask the couple directly.
- Communicate dietary requirements. Use the RSVP card to note allergies or restrictions. Don't expect accommodations if you didn't notify the couple in advance.
For Couples
Make RSVPing as easy as possible:
- Include pre-stamped return envelopes for mail RSVPs
- Offer online RSVP options for convenience
- Set your deadline 3-4 weeks before the wedding to allow follow-up time
- Be specific about who is invited by name
RSVP Tip for Couples
Expect to chase approximately 20% of guests for responses. Build time into your schedule for follow-up calls or messages the week after the RSVP deadline.
Gift Etiquette
For Guests
Gift-giving customs have evolved, but core principles remain:
- Check the registry first. Couples create registries of items they actually want and need. Buying off-registry should only be done if you're confident about your choice.
- Spend what you're comfortable with. The outdated "cover your plate" rule isn't practical. Gift according to your relationship and budget, not arbitrary costs.
- Cash is acceptable. Many Australian couples prefer cash gifts. If giving cash, use a nice card or envelope and present it at the reception.
- Send gifts in advance. Traditionally, guests have up to a year to send gifts, though sending before or shortly after the wedding is considerate.
- Always include a card. A personal message means more than you realise.
For Couples
Help guests navigate gift-giving gracefully:
- Create a registry with items at various price points
- If you prefer cash, communicate this through your wedding website or word-of-mouth, not on invitations
- Send thank-you notes within three months of receiving gifts
Key Takeaway: Gift Guidelines
- Close family and wedding party: $150-300+ depending on relationship
- Close friends: $100-200
- Colleagues and distant relatives: $50-100
- These are guidelines, not rules. Give what feels right for your situation.
Dress Code Etiquette
Understanding Dress Codes
Dress codes communicate the wedding's formality. Common Australian wedding dress codes include:
- White Tie: Full formal wear. Men in tailcoats, women in floor-length gowns. Rare in Australia.
- Black Tie: Tuxedos for men, formal floor-length or elegant cocktail dresses for women.
- Formal/Black Tie Optional: Dark suits acceptable for men, elegant dresses for women.
- Cocktail: Dressy but not as formal. Men in suits, women in cocktail dresses.
- Smart Casual: Neat trousers and collared shirts for men, nice dresses or dressy separates for women.
- Beach/Garden: Consider the terrain. Avoid stilettos on grass. Sundresses and linen suits are often appropriate.
What Not to Wear
Regardless of dress code, some guidelines remain universal:
- Never wear white. This includes cream, ivory, and champagne. Only the bride wears white.
- Avoid overly revealing outfits. The attention should remain on the couple.
- Consider cultural sensitivities. Religious venues may require covered shoulders or longer hemlines.
- Don't upstage the wedding party. Avoid wearing anything too flashy, dramatic, or attention-seeking.
Behaviour at the Wedding
Ceremony Etiquette
- Arrive 15-20 minutes before the ceremony starts
- Turn phones to silent, not just vibrate
- Leave professional photography to the photographer. Put your phone away during the ceremony.
- Stand when the bride enters (unless instructed otherwise)
- Remain seated until the wedding party has exited
Reception Etiquette
- Sit where you're assigned. Seating charts exist for reasons.
- Limit alcohol consumption. Being remembered as "that drunk guest" isn't a good look.
- Stay off the dance floor until after the first dance
- Don't leave before the cake cutting without saying goodbye to the couple
- Be friendly to other guests, even strangers
Phone Photography Etiquette
Many couples now request "unplugged ceremonies" where guests keep phones away. Respect this request. Professional photos are ruined by guests blocking aisles with phones. Take photos at the reception instead.
Special Situations
Plus-Ones and Children
If your invitation doesn't mention a plus-one or children, they're not invited. This isn't personal—weddings have strict guest limits and budgets. If you can't attend without your partner or children, politely decline.
Dietary Restrictions
Communicate dietary needs during RSVP, not at the wedding. Venues can usually accommodate restrictions with notice but may not be able to help on the day.
When You Can't Attend
If you must decline, do so promptly and graciously. Send a gift even if you can't attend, especially for close relationships. A heartfelt card explaining your absence goes a long way.
After the Wedding
Your responsibilities don't end when you leave the reception:
- Send a thank-you message or text to the couple within a few days
- Share your photos respectfully, checking social media preferences first
- Avoid posting unflattering images of other guests
- Wait for the couple to post before sharing ceremony or first look photos
Final Thoughts
Good wedding etiquette ultimately comes down to consideration for others. Guests should remember the day isn't about them, and couples should communicate expectations clearly while being gracious hosts. When in doubt, choose the kinder, more thoughtful option.
Weddings celebrate love and community. By following etiquette guidelines, guests contribute to an atmosphere where everyone can relax and enjoy the celebration. And for couples, clear communication about expectations prevents misunderstandings and allows guests to be their best selves on your special day.